Ani tipsha shel

She wore a long raincoat..
She was sad. I asked her what was wrong and she never replied..
She just looked at the ground and a tear slipped from her eyes and gently fell onto my hands.
Only said she was very tired and she wanted to sleep..So I let her sleep.

She was in a couple of photos, she looked all pretty with her choal painted blue eyes.
In my dream her eyes were blue.
She's my personal Jolene...or at least, one of them. Let's say the most feared of all.
I think I'm starting to like her more than the other faces I saw there.
She was still. Smiling in photographs and they were moving around me. Moving around me.
They had a blank face
and a blank stare.. I remember the girl in the raincoat telling me
Look..Look at them, none has real eyes. None can see, be careful
None can feel.
None is actually really human.
I don't know what they were but they were certainly dead.
And they all, all of them, they were in a hurry
and their reality was so much different than mine
Yet we were in the same picture,
in the same space
at the same place
at the same time
They were moving and so was I
Was I among the dead all along
or am I the dead one walking among the living?
They made no sense
maybe only to their kind.
and they were talking to eachother
and were looking at eachother too
and they were looking at me
But they had a dead expression
and they had no eyes
and they could not hear
and they were not real.
I got scared
and hid.
I ran as fast I could.

Then I woke up rubbing my eyes till they were freshly red.

He said I would make such a difference in people's lives if I made a living by helping others
like I have in his
He said talking to me always makes him feel a little better
and always put's a smile on his face.
I would make a poor patient, he laughed.
He told me what my names mean.
I've been called a rainbow and it made my ego giggle
my shadow shine
I then realised.
I must be pretty fucked.
When the smile that makes them all happy
and the motivating words of love that jump-start them like broken down cars
never apply to myself
I wouldn't know how to pacify myself
As he said.. doctors make poor patients.

I irrigate illusions
Then let them grow
How can I pacify myself
And let go?
And I run wild to see
Who I turned out to be..

Ratsiti ligdol itcha lehizdaken
Yikach ma sheyikach
Yiten ma sheyiten

Kama keasim shamarti bimyuchad lecha
Ata yakar li
Kama merirut asafti bimyuchad bishvilcha
Ata hachi yakar li
Ratsiti ladaat levater lecha
Kama machshavot preda sin’a betoch kol ze tsomachat lanu ahava
Kama sipurim leorech hashanim im rak yadati kama ani shkufa lecha
Ratsiti ladaat leshaker lecha
Kama peamim salachta li
Haim ani salachti gam lecha
Davka hamilim habehirot hechliku li mimeni mitachat lasafa

Ratsiti ladaat ledaber itcha
Ratsiti ladaat lesaper lecha
Ratsiti ladaat lihiyot lecha
Ratsiti ladaat leragesh otcha
Ratsiti ladaat leehov otcha